I’m sure it’s on a lot of parents minds today: How do I keep my kids from watching porn?  And, I just found out my kids are watching porn, what do I do?

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We at OVERCOME want to help families with both of these very important and relevant questions. 

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First, how do we keep porn out of the house:

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• Control the tech: You might be thinking, my kids are too young to be looking up porn sites.  You should know that most kids are first exposed to porn around 9 or 10 years old.  They probably don’t know what they are doing, but it could ignite an unhealthy curiosity within them.  SO…control their tech.  Put filters on their Kindles.  Don’t let them keep their phones or computers in their room.  And be careful of allowing their friend’s tech into your house.  Here is a list of recommended filters and accountability software.

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• Talk about it: I think there is an unrealistic expectation these days that parents will be able to keep their children’s eyes 100% pure.  Even if you take my advice above, there is a good chance that they will still see something before they leave the house.  So, the best thing you can do as a parent is to talk about what your kids are to do when they do see it.  This struggle thrives in the darkness and not talking about porn and game planning for their exposure can actually set your children up to become addicts.  TALK ABOUT IT.

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Second, what happens after they have watched porn:

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• Stay calm: One of the worst things you could do as a parent is completely lose your mind when you find out.  If you want a way to ensure that they will not talk to you in the future, then get angry and start yelling.  You are not going to scare them away from porn and these actions can actually make it even more enticing.  If you have already made this mistake, no big deal, just ask forgiveness and have a calm and cool conversation about it.

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• Don’t shame them: Shameful acts would be anything to make them feel like something is wrong with them for looking at pornography.  Shame is one of the causes for addiction and it has some devastating effects if your child internalizes those words.  You can express your disappointment without attacking their character and they will be better off for it in the long run.

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• Ask questions: You might feel awkward in doing this but it is a good way to gauge what they saw, how much they saw, and how they felt towards it.  It is very easy to slide into a lengthy speech about the sin of pornography but you will be better off letting them tell you about their experience.  This opens lines of communication for the future and shows them that they can talk to you about it.

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• Give consequences: Watching pornography, especially when you have expressly told them not to, is not good.  As God disciplines us, we too must discipline our children.  Don’t go overboard here but make it appropriate: no video game time, no phone for a while, no movies.  They need to know that because of their actions they have lost some trust in your relationship and that must be regained through time.  This is just a good life lesson for them to learn, if you prove to be untrustworthy then you will not be trusted with certain privileges.

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If you need more help with your family please don’t hesitate to contact us!